A Winery Birthday Party? May 10, 2013

Last night, I was privileged to spend a few hours with a large group of (legal-aged) young adults who were celebrating a friend’s birthday with a party at James River Cellars.  It was a night of great music, laughter, fun, and lots of wine and beer.  While I wasn’t originally scheduled to work the event, I was surprisingly glad to have been in attendance… if only to be privy to the party-life of a group of young adults.

Truth be told, I had trepidations about how this evening was going to go.  As the guest list grew from 75 to 100 people, I had visions of beer bongs, keg stands, and shot-gunned beers along with nightmares of inebriated young men and women needing taxis to get home again.  Thankfully, I was totally off base with these people… and I have never been so glad to be wrong.

The evening couldn’t have gone better.  The guests had taken the event seriously and were dressed up – the guys looked sharp in khakis, tucked-in-shirts, and blazers while the girls were stunning in beautiful dresses and heels that were higher than I’d seen in ages. Oska, the guest-of-honor, had organized almost everything and relied on friends to participate and make the evening special.  There were photos of  him alone and with friends/family, there were packs of cards for anyone who wanted to play card games during the night (cuz that’s something Oska likes to do), and a few signs that hinted at fun times and family traditions (Hip, Hip, Hooray!).   If you didn’t know Oska well before last night, there were ample opportunities to learn more about him and become part of his inner circle of friends.  His parents made the trek from MD for the evening and one of his professors even came for a few hours.  It was a wonderful event.

From my point of view, it touched my heart that so many people would take the time to spend a Thursday night during finals to celebrate their friendship with this unique young man.  He has created a family of friends who love and support one another in the way that every parent wants for their child.  These young people are kind, funny, creative, responsible, and genuine… and I’m so glad I was able to be a small part of something so wonderful.

 

How important is it to support kids after HS? April 15, 2013

How important is it to support our kids and their various activities after HS?  I think it’s VERY important!  This idea was really brought home to me this weekend when UVA’s club lacrosse team played in the Beltway Bash in College Park.

There were two tiers of teams from all over the place… there were tons of players on each of these teams… and yet there were an astonishingly small number of fans/parents.  Maybe they felt that this wasn’t a big enough tournament to warrant their attendance.  Maybe they didn’t have enough vacation time to be able to attend.  Maybe their player didn’t let his parents know with enough lead time to be able to make arrangements for other siblings or work events.    Whatever the case, the teams didn’t seem to have a large contingent of fans following them… and that really surprised me.

Am I that much of a 60′s throwback parent that it doesn’t even occur to me not to follow my son’s game schedule?   When both our boys were playing college lacrosse, we would make some unbelievable drives.  One particularly interesting jaunt was traveling to Greensburg PA for a noon lacrosse game for E before getting back in the car to make it to a 7PM lacrosse game for D in Washington DC.  Thankfully, both my boys expressed their appreciation but are there parents who wait for their kids ask for their attendance before they’ll make the effort?

I’ve lately been hearing a lot of people mentioning how excited they are for their child to turn 18 because they’ll be adults and not need their parents anymore… in some cases, parents are joking (at least, I hope they are joking) that their kids are “out” as soon as they turn 18.   Honestly, I would never even think of making this statement… and would never make it in front of my boys.  In my mind, voicing those comments just seem to make them seem that much more “plausible” and I would never want my boys to think that we won’t be there to support them, no matter what they are doing.

So, yes… I’ll always be that parent on the sidelines.  I’ll have my camera in hand, especially since it gives me closer access to the field and helps me keep from yelling during the game, but I’ll always be there.  I’ll be there to congratulate the team after the game and cheer them on before the next one.   I’ll be present in the lives of my children… no matter how old they are… because they are my boys…

I’m planning to shoot at least one game this spring in which D will be the coach… and another in which he’ll be a ref.  Is that weird?  Maybe… but these are activities that command my children’s attention and dedication.  If they warrant their attention, then they also warrant mine.

A young man from one of the rival teams came up to me and, when he saw that I had a camera, asked if I had taken many photos of the previous night’s game.  I gave him one of my business cards, so he’d be able to access whatever I had taken the night before, and his response was one of gratitude… that they “don’t have anyone who takes pictures of their team”.  Seeing this tall young man, looking for all intents and purposes like a huge child, asking about possible photos of him playing his favorite sport just broke my heart.  Do parents think that they don’t matter to their kids once they graduate from HS?

I’m not questioning if parents still love their kids… I’m simply questioning the notion that parents aren’t wanted after their kids graduate from HS.  I have spent the past six years following three lacrosse teams of varying skill levels and each was filled with kids who truly loved the continued attention.   I’ve been blessed to share the sidelines with hundreds of kids who simply want someone to  acknowledge just how much they love their sport… and I thank them every chance I get.

Maybe we all could take a little more time off to just watch our kids as they follow their passion… maybe then, the world would be a better, happier place?

We’re making a life… let’s make it one filled with purpose and love that starts first with our family and friends, no matter how old.

You just never know… March 17, 2013

Yesterday was to be a very low-key, lazy day for us… circumstances came together at the last minute to give me an unexpected day off of work, so we were moving really slowly when we first heard about a horrific accident in Pennsylvania.

If you haven’t heard about this terrible event, you can access the ABC27 link here: http://www.abc27.com/story/21660187/pregnant-coach-was-1-of-2-pa-turnpike-crash-victims

Due to copyright concerns, I’m not going to post the photos of this event here… it’s just too awful to fathom.

Here’s a general overview of what happened, as I understand it. At 8:50AM on Saturday, March 16, the tour bus carrying the Seton Hill Women’s Lacrosse team to their game at Millersville University veered through a guard rail on the PA Turnpike and crashed into a tree, sheering off the front left corner of the bus and killing the driver. First responders were unbelievably fast and every single person had been transported from the scene by 9:43AM, utilizing the 10 ambulances and myriad of trained personnel who responded. Three people were airlifted to Penn State Hershey and Holy Spirit hospitals and everyone was treated in one form or another at either Hershey, Holy Spirit, or Carlisle Regional.

We were glued to our computers for any bits of information that was being posted, primarily through Twitter. ESPN posted a notice about the accident on their website, but there was never any mention via their broadcast at any point in the day. Twitter was awesome… CNN was informative… the local TV stations (cumberlink.com, the Sentinal, and TV27) followed the story throughout the day and gave updates as they were released. The saddest bit of news, to date, was the announcement that Seton Hill’s head coach, Kristina Quigley, and her unborn 6-month-old son, were both pronounced dead at the hospital. It was one of the hardest things to hear about this unbelievable tragedy.

Don’t get me wrong… I am so incredibly glad to know that most of the lives on that bus were saved. I just keep going back to the thought that it could have happened anywhere, to anyone. Everyone I know has ridden a bus at one time or another. Every parent I know has sent a loved one on a trip with the same prayer for safety. There was nothing out of the ordinary about this trip… except that it wasn’t ordinary.

Seton Hill University holds a special place in our hearts because it’s where E spent his freshman year of college. He was lucky enough to be part of their men’s lacrosse program and logged more miles on his own bus travel than I’d care to contemplate. The MLAX team was close to the WLAX team and he knew many of the team members who were involved in this crash… one of his good friends is dating one of the girls on the WLAX team and, thankfully, is doing well after her ordeal.

Yet I wonder… how will these young women handle travel when they have to get back on a tour bus for their next away game? How will they work through the death of their young head coach? How will they, eventually, put this awful event into their personal histories and move on with their lives.

In response to this tragedy, there have been some incredible notes of hope. Someone created a “Play 4 Seton Hill” Facebook page, in which teams/programs are encouraged to wear crimson/yellow (SHU’s school colors) ribbons or laces and send a photo in support of the team. An amazing number of programs have already posted tweets and messages of support, using #Pray4ShuLax, #GriffNation, or #RememberQuigley. One of the best quotes I read was this:

“a griffin is part lion, part eagle. we must stay strong like lions even though some have now spread their wings like eagles” (from @rebeccajO, via twitter)

The school is having a Mass tonight and I very much wish I could be there, if only to be present for such a showing of love and prayer. If this message does nothing more than to remind you to hug your loved ones each and EVERY time they leave you, it’ll be enough. God doesn’t promise us a long life, but He does promise to be there for us. I’m sure He’s in that chapel tonight… and He’s touching hearts and minds as they try and understand the unfathomable.

Hug your loved ones… and Pray for ShuLax.. #play4setonhill

Mantras January 10, 2013

I used to think that a “Mantra” had to be a well-known phrase or quote.  “Less is more”… “You reap what you sow”… “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”… you know what I mean.  I felt odd not to have a go-to phrase that would keep me going or get me going… that is, until the death of my husband’s college roommate a few years ago showed me that I’d had mine all along.

My mantra is a childhood dinner blessing that my father would intone as we were sitting down to dinner.  We typically recited the traditional “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food”… or the expanded version … “By His hands, we are fed, Give us Lord our daily bread”.  My sister was pretty young at this point, so it was just my brother and I who would roll our eyes anytime my dad wanted to say grace before the meal… we knew we were in for a paragraph and dinner would be delayed.  We weren’t happy about it, but I am so very glad he continued to say this special prayer, because it’s come to bring me great comfort in my adulthood.

Here’s the prayer that he would recite before we were allowed to eat:

That’s really not all that long, is it?  Granted, to a 3 y/o and a 5 y/o, I’m sure it felt like an eternity.  The quicker prayer was our norm… our tradition… our ready blessing to say before we could dig into whatever mom had made for dinner that night.  It’s easy for kids to memorize and recite and it’s the one that’s most widely used so you don’t look like an outsider (or a weirdo) if you go to someone else’s house for dinner and they start saying a blessing before dinner.

I liked hearing the different spin that was added in an episode of The Big Bang Theory, when Sheldon goes home to East Texas and his mother insists that he say grace before eating… “Please know that we are truly grateful for every cup and every plateful“

Still, it’s not that traditional prayer for grace that I recite anytime I need to pray.  I use the prayer that my father said… the one we thought he used to “torture” us as small children because it was so long… the one that can still to this day bring his voice into my subconscious.  This prayer centers me.  This prayer calms my mind.  This prayer brings me comfort that no other prayer, no matter the source, has ever done before.

I honestly don’t care why this prayer means so much to me…. I just know that it does.   When I recite it, I hear the words that my dad used… I take breaths where he breathed… I mimic his tone and cadence until it sounds (in my head) exactly like him.  My dad doesn’t say that prayer anymore.  Parkinson’s has challenged his speech and made it difficult to get through this prayer.  But when I say that prayer, my dad is whole and young, vibrant and healthy.  He’s my daddy who would have given the world for his little girl.  The actions of our collective past are irrelevant when I say that prayer… all is right with the world and God will provide.

This prayer has magical powers for me.  It brings me comfort from a time in my childhood when nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed by my parents.  It allows me to believe… and it calms my mind… and it centers me.

It’s the magic of God…

Why I love Thanksgiving November 30, 2012

I’ve said this before… my absolute favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.   Christmas is great… birthdays are fun (especially when you’re young)… Easter can be either a sugar-laden gorge-fest or a deeply meaningful time of renewal… but Thanksgiving beats them all, hands down, in my book.

There’s something so incredible about a holiday that is simply focused on giving thanks.  There are no expectations of gifts… no other focus than on spending time with family and/or friends… just the plan to BE… and I just love it.  Having my family around me makes me happy… and being able to cook for them, without any distractions or interruptions, gives me more enjoyment than should be allowed by law.

In our family, we have the same meal every year…. it’s our tradition.  I make a  “12-hour turkey” (yes… it really DOES cook for 12 hours), sausage and apple stuffing (half of which goes into the bird), Mimi’s peas, Sweet Potato Casserole, Whipped Turnip Casserole, Homemade cloverleaf rolls, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, and at least one version of pumpkin pie.

While we don’t have others around with us that day, the recipes I use bring them to mind each and every time I make them.  Mimi’s peas is a recipe from both my mom and step-mom… a twist on the traditional Green Bean casserole.  The Sweet Potato Casserole recipe came from my dear friend, Jacqui, in our first Navy squadron.  The Turnip casserole is from my mother-in-law and makes me smile each time I make it.  The roll recipe is one from my beloved Aunt Jody, who died when D was only 6 months old.  The Pumpkin pie recipe is also from my MIL – happens to be M’s favorite, so I make it every year so he continues to have ties to his own childhood.

As for that “12-hour turkey”?  I was given that recipe from a woman in MI named Dawna, who made a Thanksgiving dinner for our entire church family every year.  She lovingly shared her recipe with me for being able to cook enough turkeys to feed a hungry congregation and I have been using it ever since. She didn’t stuff her bird (and I’ve been warned every year not to stuff the bird) but I’ve been doing it this way since 1995 and tradition dictates that the bird is stuffed… AND we have a dish of baked stuffing on the side.  Can you ever have too much stuffing?

As you might guess, I now use a written timetable for when every item goes into the oven, what gets microwaved, when the oven temperature gets altered, and what must be made ahead of time to keep me from going insane, but I really do love it.  Knowing that I get to repeat this meal four weeks later for Christmas dinner, is simply icing on the cake for me… call me crazy, but I LOVE it!

Many on Facebook have been taking part in a daily affirmation of thanks for each day of the month… while I think that’s a great idea, I would love to have the time (or attention span) to take that a step further and do a year of daily notes of gratitude.  Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we could simply focus on our blessings in this life instead of complaining about what we don’t have or don’t like or don’t want?

Maybe it’s the “happy yellow lab” in me, but I would like to rearrange my thoughts for the coming year, by focusing on the positive aspects of my life instead of whining about the negative.  I know I have a hard time letting go of things (D’s former Coach M is a prime example… see previous post for that diatribe) but maybe if I can keep a simple journal of thankfulness or gratitude, I can have a better attitude toward life in general.   Even if all I write one night is that I’m grateful that my husband is at home with me… or that my son sent me a text saying “I miss your face”… isn’t that enough to make for a good day?  Are we all expecting too much out of each and every day?  Maybe we have to have those days where the best thing was a simple meal with family to appreciate the truly spectacular times in our lives, whatever they may be.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it makes me remember just how blessed I am and allows me the opportunity to be “mushy” about how grateful I am for those blessings.  Anyone else interested in taking a journey with me?  I’m planning to start on December 1st – just as everyone else finishes their month-long postings of gratitude – and write a line of gratitude each day.  I might not make it every single day, but that’s my plan for the coming year.  I’ll try and remember to check in from time to time… I’d love to see others join me.

Gratitude is a wonderful and powerful thing… I wonder what would happen if we could harness that power to make the world a better place?  Be grateful… and be thankful… and don’t forget to share that with others…

My Maxims October 10, 2012

I’ve been reading a really amazing book. It’s called “One Piece of Paper” and is written by a guy named Mike Figliuolo. The best way I can think of to describe this book is to quote the author:

“Imagine explaining your leadership philosophy on one piece of paper – a simple 8.5” x 11” summation of all you are and all you want to be as a leader. How powerful would it be to have a discussion about that single page with the members of your team? But that’s impossible.
Or is it?
This book will help you do exactly that.”
– Mike Figliuolo

M read this book when it was first published and has shared it with a number of colleagues. I saw it sitting in our house and it sparked a conversation about leadership styles and expectations that had me taking my own crack at writing down a set of maxims… but first, I had to figure out what a “maxim” was…

By definition, a maxim is a noun. It’s (1) an expression of a general truth or principle and (2) a principle or rule of conduct. Once I began reading this book I realized that, while Figliuolo’s book is focused on those in the business world, I could easily apply these practices to many different areas of my own life. I may not spend hours upon hours in corporate America, but I operate under a set of principles or rules of conduct that could certainly qualify as Maxims.

I’ve been on PTA boards and athletic association boards, been part of a governing body for our church, and am now working in the wine industry. Each position has required a working set of principles that helps to guide my participation and/or leadership. When reading this book, I gained new insight into what did or didn’t work in each situation. I learned more about my strengths and weaknesses in past ventures and am continuing to evolve into the person I strive to be in the future.

I would HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who actively participates in their life. I believe that the act of putting down, on a single sheet of paper, the principles by which you live your life, is an extremely helpful tool, no matter what you do in life. Whether just starting out or hitting your stride late in life, this book should resonate with everyone. I hope you’ll take a moment and consider your own list of Maxims… it doesn’t have to be complete, but it should be something that grows as you do…

Here’s my list of Maxims… they may not make sense as they’re written, but they resonate with me or remind me to focus back on an important ideal. If you want to know what they mean, just ask…

Follow the Golden Rule.

Corral the “shiny”.

Save the drama for your mama.

Fool me once, shame on you.. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Be true to your beliefs and trust your gut.

Don’t ask anyone to do something you would not.

Praise in public, correct in private

Did anyone die?

SMILE!

Be truthful… Be honest… Be trustworthy.

Always honor your commitments.

Tell me something good.

Family isn’t just blood.

It’s not about me.

Let those who know, do so those who don’t, won’t.

I’m sure I’ll add or amend these as my life evolves, but this is a good representation of the core of my beliefs… are you ready to do the work to figure out your One Piece of Paper???

Thanks, Mike F, for coming up with something so simple, yet so timeless.

It’s almost Halloween…. darn it? October 6, 2012

Let it be known… I am NOT a fan of Halloween.  I try and be a good sport about giving out candy and have, in the past, put on a costume and gone through the motions of trick-or-treating, but I really do NOT like this holiday.  I don’t enjoy buying candy and having it in my house to hand out to strangers.  I don’t like feeling required to participate in handing out treats to kids who, for the most part, are doing the bare minimum needed to look like they’re dressing up in costume.  I don’t like having people with masks ring my doorbell and expect candy in return for their participation in this day in October.  I just don’t like it.  Is that such a crime?

I know there are those of you who will cajole and tease me to try and get me into the “Halloween spirit” but I just don’t enjoy being a part of this holiday.  The masks creep me out and the scary costumes kids wear just keep getting more and more bizarre.   Is it “bad” of me to dislike a specific holiday?  Are there others out there who don’t enjoy Halloween?

I remember a time in college when a friend put on a gorilla mask and chased me around our dorm.  I hated that.  I knew how this person was, yet the mask turned them into something completely sinister and frightening for me.  It wasn’t funny or silly… it was scary.  I think people sometimes underestimate how much a mask can conceal an identity in someone’s mind.

I have the same reaction to clowns… they flip me out and I just don’t find them to be funny or silly at all.   Check out this clown picture I found.  The lip outline is painted into a smile, but it’s one of the creepiest faces when you see the overall look.  I know that’s the point, but I have a hard time finding the fun in these sort of painted faces. The two “true” parts of the individual’s face are the eyes and mouth… and many times the eyes are bloodshot (maybe a reaction to having so much makeup around that area of the face) and the mouth/teeth aren’t in the best condition.  Have you seen many clowns with clear eyes and clean pearly white teeth?  I haven’t.  Maybe that’s why I don’t enjoy clowns… being a dentist’s daughter always has me looking at smiles and teeth.  That would be an interesting study… does a parent’s occupation influence their children’s fears and phobias in later life?  Then again, maybe not.

There are two positive things about Halloween, in my opinion.  The first is that we always have the same dinner on Halloween or whatever night ends up being designated for Trick-or-Treat… I make my Auntie Jean’s BBQ (sloppy joes) and homemade Kaiser rolls.  When E was a senior, he informed me that it just wasn’t Halloween to him without this meal… so how could I resist?  In honor of that tradition, I’ll include this recipe below so you, dear reader, may see if you want to start your own tradition.

The second and MOST positive thing about Halloween is that it signals that Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday of all time.  It ranks higher than Christmas, Easter and Birthdays for me.  Thanksgiving is the one time of the year when the focus is on appreciating the bounty and blessings in our lives and giving thanks for what we have.  It’s about family and food… it’s about being together with those you love and reaching out to those who need… it’s about the GOOD that is in the world and showing appreciation for what we have been given.

I’ll talk more about Thanksgiving later.  For now, I must share my Aunt’s recipe and let you all get ready for Halloween… after all… if we let Halloween hurry up and get here, we can start planning for Thanksgiving.  Right?

Auntie Jean’s BBQ (Sloppy Joe’s)

2lbs browned hamburger (I use ground turkey)

1 bottle ketchup (the 28oz size – I always use Heinz Ketchup)

2T apple cider vinegar

3T yellow mustard

3T Worcestershire sauce

4tsp sugar

2tsp celery seed

My cousin makes a double recipe and puts this into a crock pot so she has enough to feed whoever might drop by when she makes it.  I typically use two packages of ground turkey and then either make homemade rolls or use packaged potato rolls for my guys.  We love the tang of the spices and much prefer it to the jarred sauce you can purchase from the grocery store.

Wishing you a Happy Halloween… however you choose to celebrate!