I have to get this off my chest before I leave for my Girls Weekend. I am frustrated by the power guilt has to influence my actions. After “taking a stand” and “going on record” that I was going to speak with no one except M, it looks as if I will end up placing a call tonight when I arrive in HH for my weekend. While it’s only a phone call and it’s just one, it still irks me that I feel that I must make this call after a comment made by someone close to me.
Back-track a bit… my mom is having surgery on Friday next week to have a melanoma removed. I have been asked to spend the weekend (and a few days ahead of time) to help her through this event. While it took a bit of juggling, I’ll be going up to PA on Wednesday and then coming home on Sunday, barring any complications. I do this willingly… she’s my mom… she’d be here trying to help if something were happening with me… I can’t let her go through this alone.
However, she threw a slight detour into my “I’m taking 3 days OFF” plan when she found she needed a procedure done today (Thursday). I have no way of going up to help her and she emphatically said she didn’t need me for this appointment. She has friends who are willing and able to help her to and from the appointment and she’s completely sure that everything will be fine. I’m selfishly glad about this because it means that her problem won’t impact my three days off… however, she expects me to call or to allow her to call me to tell me everything tonight when she gets home. I asked her if she could please just send me an email when she got home to tell me anything and everything she wanted to, but that I just couldn’t talk on the phone. I needed to take three days for myself before I jump into caretaker mode with her next week.
Does this make me so selfish and such a horrible child for wanting this for myself? I sent my sister a text to let her know what I was doing and got a reply that made me stop and re-evaluate… “I cannot support this, but you do what you need to. I love you!” So I guess I’ll be calling my mom tonight and giving her some of my 3 days off to listen to her story about how the procedure went today. Guilt, especially family guilt, is a powerful motivator.
Wish me luck…