When Someone Truly Cares… May 12, 2014

I had a birthday recently… a “milestone” birthday”.  I had anticipated it and knew that it was going to be mentioned with gentle jokes, happy laughter, and loving joy… what I hadn’t expected were the feelings that hit me as the subsequent days rolled along.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that we recently moved away from our home of 13 years.  Since this was the place where I’d put in the most effort in making, and keeping, friends, I was actually looking forward to this birthday.  I was looking forward to wearing my “It’s my Birthday” pin (which I apparently forgot to pack) and have random people wish me a Happy Birthday.  I was looking forward to scads of emails, texts, and Facebook messages sending a bit of birthday love my way.  I was even looking forward to having some of my “nearest and dearest” complain that I wasn’t close by to visit for coffee or a drink.  Isn’t that what usually happens when someone close to us celebrates a birthday of any age?

Before I go any further, I must say that I was overwhelmed by the kindness and love that were showered on me throughout my birthday weekend. There were texts, calls, emails, and so very many loving FB messages that I truly felt blessed… and I thank each and every one of you for reaching out in any way possible.  My mom called and invited me to meet her for lunch… and  brought a special birthday cake.  My husband planned a special dinner at my college friend’s restaurant so we could celebrate.  Thank God for Facebook (really!) for reminding people about my birthday, because my feed was going crazy (in a delightful way) with wishes of fun, joy, love, etc… I read and appreciated every single one.  I was also touched that so many sent emails or texts… in this age of instant/constant activity, I was grateful for all forms of communication.  The cards that arrived at our new address or forwarded from our old one were especially sweet… when one isn’t “on the clock” or scheduled to  be somewhere, the trip down to the mailroom can sometimes be the brightest spot in an entire day.  I pray that I remember this piece of information in the coming years when friends move, because any and all written correspondence has been a balm to my bruised soul.  FYI:  No… bills do not count as “correspondence”.  😉

What I wasn’t expecting was the sadness that I felt in the subsequent days when a few select people in my life chose to ignore my birthday.  I truly cannot fathom the reason for someone “forgetting” the birthday of another.  We are bombarded with information in so many different forms that it ends up feeling intentional when such a slight happens.  While excuses will most likely be made as time goes on, I don’t know that I’ll be able to simply forget this year.  The quote included in this post says it all, in my opinion.

This post isn’t meant to change the past or alter the future.  It’s simply my way of trying to let go of expectations and move on with my life.  I understand that everyone deals with loss in their own ways… some attack it head on while others try and pretend it doesn’t exist… but that doesn’t mean that I have to accept the subsequent feelings of loss that I experience when someone makes the choice to make an excuse instead of making an effort.

I admit to being one of those people who keeps a mental tally of those who slight and those who don’t. I recognize that this is a character flaw, but it has saved me in the past and I’m reluctant to change at this point in my life.  After all, I’m now FIFTY years old… I believe that I am old enough to choose to forgive & forget or to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be used as a doormat.

I’m going to choose me this time.  I believe that my feelings are important… they matter… and if someone in my life doesn’t feel the same way, then I am going to try to let them go.  It’s not easy to leave a life that you worked hard to build, but we each should understand and support the fact that our lives will take us on our own paths.  Changing the course of your life doesn’t mean you have to shed those with whom you have shared your life… it should mean that you do the work to keep those people close.   NOTE: For the most part, my HS friends and my HoodLums understand this in spades… each one of you is a gift more precious than gold in my book and you each have my eternal love and friendship.

As the saying goes, “when someone truly cares about you, they make an effort, not an excuse”.  It would be so sad if this were the end, but sometimes that’s the way the cookie crumbles… right?

Never a Dull Moment… especially when sleeping? April 27, 2014

We currently reside in a lovely two-bedroom, fully furnished, corporate apartment in MD while we await the sale of our home in VA.  The company set things up and thought of every possible “basic necessity” that we could need while we’re here, but we have had a little trouble adjusting to the sleeping arrangements that are available.  We have a queen-size bed but, even with all the padding included, it’s just sooo hard.  We’ve tried to adjust and adapt, but after sleeping on a hotel bed this past weekend, we decided that enough was enough and asked for suggestions from our Facebook community.

The responses ranged from the off-the-cuff-quip “sleep on the floor” or “try drugs and alcohol” to some extremely detailed ideas on specific types of foam pads, thickness preferences, product combinations, and the like that just boggled the mind.  I was so grateful for the response… hearing from so many people really helped us as we left for the store.

Keep in mind, we already have an amazing Sleep Number Bed (currently in storage) that we just love, so we weren’t looking for a long-term solution.  We simply needed to add something to this specific bed that will allow us to sleep more comfortably until we can get our things out of storage and have our own bed back.

We also had some criterion that needed to be met:

• Whatever we purchased would not end up being used on our personal bed, so we didn’t want to spend a great deal of money.
• We also needed to be able to purchase a product immediately… waiting for something to be delivered just wasn’t going to cut it at this point.
• M didn’t like the idea of sleeping on foam, so that cut out a large number of options.
• I wanted something that would fit under the current mattress pad, so it would have a chance at staying in place.

We could have gone to a number of stores, but we decided that Bed, Bath and Beyond was going to be our best bet at finding a workable solution.  After wandering through the store for awhile to understand the layout of the store, we started looking at our options.  With a goal of “a reasonable price” in mind, we got things down to two possible solutions.  The first was a full four inches shorter than the width of the bed itself, which concerned me, and made of foam, which concerned M.  NOTE: When looking for bedding options, measure the exact size of the bed in question so you have a true number with which to work.  When the second was exactly the correct width and length and a good $100 cheaper than its closest competitor,  number two became our obvious choice.

We then had a minor discussion on the merits of FiberFill vs Feather Bed… I honestly didn’t care enough at this point, so we went with the FiberFill.  I’m not a fan of random things poking at me in the middle of the night (ok, get your minds out of the gutter, folks) so when M preferred the FiberFill, I was absolutely on board.   Using the 20% discount card that I had randomly remembered to pack two weeks ago made this item totally within our budget (click the link on “number two” above to see more info) and we went home with our new acquisition.

After stripping the bed down to the bare mattress, we laid the topper on and covered it with the “original” mattress pad… it was feeling softer already!  We finished making the bed and had our first night’s sleep on it last night.  I think it’s going to take a little time to get used to the softer bed, but I am definitely a fan.  Even if it only lasts a few months, this purchase is already worth it to me.  My back isn’t quite as sore this morning and I actually feel a bit more relaxed.  My FitBit feedback tells me that I had a more restful night, which means that I wasn’t flopping back and forth all night.  Anything that can do that, on the first night, gets high marks in my book.

For those of you who are wondering about our Sleep Number Bed… let me say first that we love it.  We bought ours almost 10 years ago and we wouldn’t trade it (as evidenced by the need for a post such as this) for any other bed.  NOTE: We purchased the middle cost option of the queen sleep number bed and got two wired remotes, one for each side.  The remotes have begun to fail, so we’ll replace them when we move, but the bed itself is awesome.  M likes to sleep on a more firm mattress, so his sleep number is somewhere around 50-65, depending on his nightly preference.  I like to sleep in a “valley”, so my sleep number typically ranges between 35 and 45.  I can adapt to sleeping on a more firm mattress, and probably should be sleeping on something closer to M’s number, but the surface of the apartment’s bed was just way too firm for either of us.

That’s the end of our sleeping saga.  Our move has been accented with bursts of challenge here and there, but hopefully we’ll go back to having more dull moments… as long as our cats don’t get into the act anymore!

 

 

Because I’m Happy… February 20, 2014

Wow… has this song by Pharrell Williams resonated with me recently.  I love the tune, love the lyrics, love the sentiment, and just can’t stop playing this song.  It feels as if it’s my mantra, and honestly, how bad can things be if “happy” is your mantra?

Have you heard this song yet?  If not, here’s the YouTube video of it.  Just click on it and take a few minutes to let the tune sink into your bones.  Let the upbeat tone and smiles of everyone shown just flow over you.  It’s really worth those few minutes… I’ll wait…

Oh, and here’s the Richmond RVA-version of that same video… we just love Richmond and want everyone else to love it too!

Now, did you catch all the words?  If not, here they are, in all their glory:

It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way

[Hook:]
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

[Verse 2:]
Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah,
Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold back, yeah,
Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine, yeah,
No offense to you, don’t waste your time
Here’s why

[Hook]

Hey, come on

[Bridge:]
(happy)
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
My level’s too high
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said (let me tell you now)
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
My level’s too high
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said

[Hook 2x]

Hey, come on

(happy)
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… my level’s too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)

Amazing, right?  I could easily listen to this song for days and not get tired of it.  It gets my head bopping, my feet tapping, and I have a hard time sitting still.  I turn the radio up when it comes on just so I can try and drown out the artist and get every word right (which, of course, never happens, but I keep trying anyway).  It’s such an upbeat, fun song that I love it.

There’s so much un-happiness in this world today that I just have to focus on the positive and do my best to be “happy”.  My husband lovingly calls me a “happy yellow lab”.  No, he’s not calling me a dog… he’s recognizing that my outlook focuses on the fun/happy/positive parts of life rather than sinking into the negative.  My college roommate once gave me a platter with the word “Happy” on it because she said that it just seemed like me.  I had to include a photo of it here: Isn’t it just something that would make you smile every time you used it?  I was really touched that she felt that way about me… and took it as pretty high praise.

Being a happy person doesn’t mean that you don’t have bad days or let things get you down… being happy just simply means, to me, that you make a very concerted effort not to “sweat the small stuff”.   Life can hand you lots of different challenges, but to focus on the happier side of life can sometimes make those challenges easier to face.  You don’t have to allow the negative side of life to take over… just do your best to look on the brighter side of things.   It may sound pithy, but try it sometime… you may just surprise yourself and have a better day than you expected!

I don’t have a Bucket List November 25, 2013

Yup… you read correctly… I don’t have a Bucket List.  Is that weird?  Am I in the minority because I don’t have a list of life goals and dreams that I want to do before I die?  When did this become such a hot topic of conversation?

I have to say that I really liked the movie (The Bucket List).  The idea that two guys, who had nothing more in common than the fact that they were facing their own mortality, would help one another fulfill their lifelong dreams is really sweet.  Add actors, played by Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, who were already ridiculously famous and played seemingly opposite characters and I was laughing and crying along with them through to the end.  It was great… but it didn’t push me to want to create my own list of goals and dreams.

The Urban Dictionary describes a “Bucket List” as a list of things you want to accomplish before you die… that it comes from the phrase “kicked the bucket”.   If you type in a simple Google search for “Bucket List”, you’ll find a number of different websites devoted to just such a goal.  You can decide to simply pick and choose from a list of 10.000 various things that some random person decided that everyone should do (or want to do) before they die… but is that truly a Bucket List or is it just a list of cool-sounding things to do that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own?  Are you, then, striving to complete someone else’s Bucket List instead of compiling one of your own?

And again I ask…. am I weird for not having one… not wanting one?

I have a friend who has some pretty interesting things on her bucket list:  Jump out of an airplane… Eat in an exclusive restaurant of a famous chef… Tour the California wine country… Live near the beach…  These are all very cool things to do, but now that she’s done a bunch of them, is she obligated to replace them with newer and bigger goals?  When is a Bucket List done?  Do you ever stop adding to your Bucket List?

I know this seems like a random posting for the week of Thanksgiving.  I should be following along with my friends who are posting each day on their FB page, sharing their thoughts on things for which they are thankful, right?  The messages have been sweet to read… but for some reason this year they hit me differently.  Maybe it simply has to do with where I am in my life at the moment.

Please indulge me a moment, but I feel so blessed with the life I have that I wonder if creating a Bucket List would simply be tempting fate.  My marriage is strong and makes me feel as if I can accomplish anything as long as I have my husband by my side.  Both of my sons are following their dreams and striving to create good, honest, positive, and productive lives of their own.  I have a job that I adore and cherish, maybe more than is normal, but it’s a perfect fit for me and my talents.  My photography hobby (which I look upon as a job from a dedication standpoint, but is definitely not something from which I could make a living at this point) fills my creative needs and allows me to be “the girl on the sidelines” of some pretty awesome sporting events.  I truly cannot think of anything that would or could possibly turn the life I lead now into something “better” simply by checking some boxes on a list.

I write this down with a great deal of trepidation.  Reading the previous paragraph regarding my life makes me sound so “Pollyanna” about everything and that’s really not what I’m trying to say here.  I started this blog almost two years ago with the idea of giving credence to all the positive things in my life because I believe that it’s become easier to look at all that’s wrong or not “perfect” in our lives.  I worry, if I were trying to create a Bucket List of my own, that I might begin to focus on what’s not in my life as opposed to seeing all the blessings that already exist.  While others may find great enjoyment in coming up with lists of things-to-do and people-to-see, it all seems so unnecessary to me.  

But maybe that’s the point of a Bucket List?  Is it a list that will allow me to name goals and dreams toward which I strive and in which I find fulfillment?  I feel as if I’m really reaching here, but maybe a Bucket List isn’t something that’s for me.  I think that instead of trying to create my Bucket List, I’m actually living it instead.  Can that be it?

Why do we want “Perfect”? August 21, 2013

This has been on my mind a lot lately… why do we expect things to be “perfect” in our most imperfect lives?  My priest often reminds us (and I’m paraphrasing here) that God loves us, even in our imperfection, as He is the only one that is truly perfect.   Is it because of our true imperfections that we continually strive for perfection and are frustrated when we find flaws or blemishes in our lives?  When did “perfect” become the pinnacle of our life’s focus… and why are we not striving to create full, blemished, original, and unique lives?  Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to create interesting lives rather than ones that are “perfect”?

Who deems that something, or someone, is “perfect” anyway… and why would we want something to be perfect… an exact replica of something else, faithfully reproducing the original… corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept… entirely without blemish, fault or defect…   It certainly doesn’t interest me in the least.

In my job as an Event Coordinator, I have a lot of people striving to make things “perfect”… as if anything less is not acceptable.  I believe that perfection is certainly something toward which you can aspire, but I also believe that it shouldn’t be your ultimate goal or the final word on success or failure in an endeavor.   Events such as weddings and receptions have so many variables over which there is little or no control.  Expecting everything to go “perfectly” and according to plan can be a little beyond the scope of one’s ability, but that’s not to say that working toward that goal isn’t without its merits.  Following a plan, and rolling with any necessary deviations, can be incredibly satisfying, especially if the end result is a positive and fun experience.  The result of a wedding/reception in which a few things strayed from the written plan is one that will carry the couple into a future with their own unique story.  Being able to see three brothers come together to walk their sister down the aisle, when before they had only expected two to show, is a beautiful story.  Telling the tale of the three adorable nephews happily running down the aisle, instead of carefully walking together in front of the bride, is a beautiful story.  Hearing of a joy-filled 3-year old flower girl twirling and dancing during an angelic wedding solo, simply because she’d always been taught to dance when she hears exquisite music, is a beautiful story.

The same holds true, in my humble opinion, throughout life in general.  I’ve been tuned to The Food Network a lot lately and it seems that the most prevalent word with TV Cook-hosts is “perfect”.   I know there are times for following directions to the letter… my husband would fervently remind me that “NATOPS  is written in blood” and those directions are followed, without fail, for a reason, but I always believe there are times when a looser following of directives can provide a unique and enjoyable experience.  Flying an airplane is NOT one of those times, but I know we’ve all experienced situations that needed “tweaking” or adjusting to attain an acceptable outcome.  Isn’t that where we find the most unexpected blessings?

In many aspects of my life, I like to use directions as “guidelines” instead of instructions  (I like to use “The Force” when I cook) but it seems to me that life just becomes a little more interesting if there’s a little bit of the unexpected.   Seek out a unique way to handle a problem.  Look for alternatives to that vision of perfection.  Try and come up with a cleaner, simpler way to solve that complicated issue.   You may find that the “tried and true” way to proceed has been thwarted and the only acceptable thing to do is “punt”.  If you can accept this new version of reality, you may find an even better way to attain your goal, whether it be a new way to get from Point A to Point B or a new recipe for dinner.

True perfection, my friends, is entirely over-rated.  Seek the unexpected… look toward the unique… embrace the unusual… and allow for your world to accept a few flaws.  You may find your life all the richer for it.

I wish you imperfection… in all its glory.  It’s a beautiful thing!

“I’m sorry” August 7, 2013

“I’m sorry”…. why are these words so hard for people to say these days?  Shouldn’t this be an automatic response if you have done something that affects another person?  What is so wrong with apologizing?

I had a really sweet exchange with a gentleman in the parking lot of my local “box” store which drove home this point.  To set up the scene: I had wheeled my cart to empty my items into my trunk and then walked it around to the front of my car and left it.  Yes…. I know the cart-space was only four car-lengths away, but I was tired and it was starting to rain.  I *do* try to return the carts to their proper area when possible, but this was just “one of those days” for me.  I’d been shopping… I was tired… and I just needed to get in the car and go home.  That’s no excuse for poor cart-etiquette, and I do know better, but that’s really not the point of this story.

Back to the exchange:  As I start to open my car door, the gentleman (whose family had fled the car as soon as it stopped so they wouldn’t get wet) walked over to my cart and turned to me, saying that he’d use the cart and take it back to the store.  I responded by thanking him very much and apologizing for not returning the cart to its rightful space.  He then mentioned a recent situation in which he had gotten his car dinged by someone’s cart while they were emptying it and mentioned that they didn’t even apologize for doing so.  I was struck by how much this episode still seemed to bother him…

Maybe they thought that if they apologized for dinging his car he might turn around and make them accept responsibility and pay for repairs (apparently it was a small paint chip, but still…)?  Maybe this person didn’t want to acknowledge that they had done anything wrong?  Maybe they were so lost in their own world that they couldn’t see past it to recognize that they had infringed upon someone else?

In any case, that short conversation left an impression on me.  I know our lives are busy and we always seem to be hurrying from one activity to another, but would it really take that much time for us to slow down and be responsible for our actions?  Would it be so bad to apologize if we inadvertently do something that bothers or upsets someone?  I do recognize that there are always going to be times when apologizing might bring on more drama than you may be prepared to handle at the moment…  Maybe you can find a better solution that will acknowledge your behavior and allow the other person to understand that you truly didn’t mean to offend or hurt them?

Are we hoping for absolution for our wrong-doing or do we simply want to apologize for our actions?  We cannot control how other’s respond to our apology, but I don’t believe that offering one should be such a chore.  I’ve written about this before… follow The Golden Rule.  “Do unto other’s what you would have them do unto you.”  If you would want an apology… a simple statement saying, “I’m sorry”… then why is this so hard for us to do for others?

Can’t we all just slow down a tad and recognize the feelings of others around us?  You’d be surprised how far an immediate apology can go to repairing a situation before it gets out of hand.

Let’s all try to be a little more humane instead of just being human.  The world might just seem like a much nicer place…