The thing about Friends… June 28, 2012

I have truly been blessed with some wonderful friends over the years.  Throughout my life, some amazing people have shown up, stuck around, been there for the best and worst, or simply popped in at the most God-divined moments that I feel the need to write and share with the blogging world.  Maybe you, too, have had some similar situations?

The friends of my youth:  These people met me when my parents’ marriage ripped apart, my world collapsed, and I was learning how to be Humpty Dumpty by putting all the pieces back together again.  I tended to categorize my friends geographically or by activities… those I knew through one HS or another, those I met in marching band, those from Camp Robin Hood, those who knew me through plays and musicals, or those who knew me at church.  Many of these groups of people didn’t coincide, so my opportunities for knowing a large number of people was great… I just wish I had realized that at the time.   I wasn’t a particularly unkind child, but I do wish that I had paid attention more in those formative years.  Having the gift of seeing these people now that we’re adults provides a glimpse into the life I lived then and allows me to use hindsight to foster better and more lasting relationships with some really terrific people.

The friends of my college years:  The people from my college years saw me though the most important and formative years for my personality.  I loved and lost… I triumphed and failed… and I was slowly able to craft myself into someone of whom I could be proud.  Not “proud” like, “look how cool I am”… but more along the lines of taking pride in creating a person on whom others could trust and depend.  I learned to make my word not only matter, but make it meaningful.  I found people who helped me learn self-respect and taught me to expect that from others.  I truly believe that my four years at Hood College, and the friends who meant the most to me, helped form me into the person I wanted to become as an adult.

The friends of my adulthood:  These people have watched me grow as a new wife and mother… new to the transitional life in the military… and learning to be “an adult” instead of a child.  It was the women I met in these years who demonstrated to me the attributes I most wanted to emulate and incorporate into my own life.   Seeing how other couples treated one another in public offered me the insight, however misguided, into how I wanted my own marriage to be seen by others.  Being honest, trustworthy, dependable, loving, caring, and forthright, all those “white knight” characteristics I had so admired in my darling M during our college years, became the  structure from which I endeavored to build my own life.

While the Navy, and subsequent moves, would add and subtract people from my day-to-day life, it has been the friends who stick with me that matter most.  The words of a well-loved poem (of disputed origin) come to mind when I think of friends…  it goes something like this:

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..

I am grateful for every friend I have ever made.  As Facebook changes and redefines how we term someone as a “friend”, know that I am blessed and forever changed by every person who has ever allowed me to lay claim to the term “friend”.

The thing about friends?  They are what makes the world go on… the sunshine seem brighter… and life seem that much sweeter.  Open yourself up to a friend and you will be forever changed.  Allow yourself to be affected by a friend and your life will be made that much richer because of it.

The fabric of our lives isn’t cotton…. the fabric of our lives is friendship… that’s the thing about Friends.

This is the busiest summer ever! June 27, 2012

I have been incredibly busy this summer… more so than any in recent memory… and I really do love it.  I don’t always have the time to cook or bake or create as I have in the past, but it’s ok.  I’m trying to make time for everything that truly matters, and isn’t that what life is all about?

I started working at a winery this past fall.  I help run the Tasting room at James River Cellars Winery in Glen Allen, VA and I truly love my job.  I’ve been given the tasks of our Constant Contact messages, decorating the chalkboards for our in-house special events, updating our business Facebook page (James River Cellars Winery) and our twitter account (JamesRiverWine), and helping my co-workers in their tasks as needed.  I don’t have any specific title or job description… while it’d be fun to have an actual title other than “ABC Manager”, I really don’t need one.  I am learning to look around and find things that I can do to make things run better or be more organized.   I adore taking time with our customers to find wine that makes them happy… I have learned to cook with each of our wines and enjoy sharing this information whenever I have the opportunity.  This job has become a part of me and I am having a fabulous time!  Note:  the photo here was taken by Sarah Haussen of the VTC.

Both my sons are home this summer, which adds another element to our day-to-day activities.  D graduated from Hood in May and, two days later, he began taking classes that will help him in his ultimate goal of becoming a Certified Athletic Trainer.  My heart swells when I think of how far he’s come in the past four years… I even got teary with one of his professors when they proceeded to not only tell me how great he’d be as a trainer but they went into detail on his many attributes.  Proud mama could barely keep from sobbing.  E applied for, and got, an internship in an Anti-Money Laundering program.  He’s earning money, learning how hard it can be to work a full 8 hour day, and more appreciative of his “off time” than ever.  Additionally, both boys are playing in a men’s summer league lacrosse program AND coaching youth lacrosse travel teams – getting to see them each excel in their own ways in similar activities has been a blast.

Lest you think that we don’t have enough going on, M is playing softball again!  Not only was he asked to join a locally sponsored team but he was also talked into playing for a work-sponsored team… it’s been interesting trying to add in all the games of both teams AND try to attend as many of everyone’s games as possible.  Yikes… My camera is getting a great workout!

Busy is great… wish I had more hours in the day so I could get caught up on sleep, but I’ll have enough years later when we’re not following the boys all over hither and yon, so I’ll suck it up for now.  Gotta cut this short cuz we’ve got an RSLL lacrosse game again tonight… and M has a doubleheader softball game… good thing I have tomorrow off, right?

Cheers, all!  Come visit me at the winery sometime… I’ve got some great wines to offer you!

 

Forgive and Forget… right?

I admit that I’m having trouble with the phrase “forgive and forget”.  Over the past few weeks, there have been difference scenarios brought to mind in which I keep hearing this phrase as a mantra… but is it meant as one for me to follow or in which to take heed?

The Bible tells us that Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”  Earlier in the book of Matthew, He also says “But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”  Is this a parable through which we are to understand how to comport ourselves on earth or is this another time when I need to seek the council of my priest?  I just have such a hard time with this phrase.

Most recently, I’ve been told to “let it go” when I rant about the unfair treatment of my son at the hand of his college lacrosse coach throughout his senior year.  I know I should do so, but there’s a little part of me that wants to know how I could possibly make things better if I don’t forget… if I could do something that would have an effect on the future if I didn’t let things go.  Am I being delusional in thinking that my actions would have any effect at all?  My son doesn’t seem to have a problem letting this situation go… why am *I* having such a hard time doing so as well?

You know the old proverb:  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.  The idea is that after being tricked once, one should be wary, so that the person cannot trick you again.  I was on the receiving end of such a situation a few years back while serving on a board in our church in which two members of our parish went to great lengths to publicly disparage my actions and abilities.  The situation was caustic enough to both me and my family that taking a step away was truly the best course of action left for us.  Over the subsequent years, I have found other ways to feed my spirituality… but forget?  I don’t think so.  I’m a self-described “happy yellow lab” (see previous posting), but there are definitely times when I follow that proverb more closely than I might like to admit.  Those people fooled me all those years ago, but I don’t know if I could find my way back again if I were to allow them to fool me again.

Maybe I’m just a little too human but I’m offering up a warning to all who see me as a doormat.  I can allow for mistakes… I can forgive poor judgement in most cases… just don’t expect me to come back as quickly the next time.  I have been blessed with reason and memory… God gave me these gifts… and I’ll use them as needed to protect myself and those I love. 

Hopefully I can be more positively focused in my next posting… God has bestowed many gifts upon my life and I need to give credence to all that is good in my life instead of dwelling on that which is not. 

Can you forgive and forget this posting?

Can I?